I See Hearts

I am sitting here wanting to write tonight and am coming up a bit dry.  I could write about another food, include a recipe and that would be fine, but feel some kind of uneasiness coming up from my belly button.  That is my stress point.  Some people get stiff necks, creased foreheads (I get these too), but I also get a pulling feeling coming from the navel.  Who knows why that is.  Maybe something to do with some chakra.  I have decided to be mindful for the moment and let my fingers do the walking.  This is what my experience is right now.  I hear fire engines out there and the dull passing of trucks off of 113.  It is dark, but I can't see any stars.  I hear whispering in the other room and I can't quite make out what is being said.  My black cat is resting quietly on the bed and I can see the soft rise and fall of his breath.  My husband is next to me and I can hear his slow breathing and can see him typing.  I experience myself here sitting, legs crossed, tense in the belly and I can hear my heart.  I can hear the rhythmic pounding in my ears and it is deafening.  I am craving something sweet and so much that my mouth is watering.  I am aware of all of this right now...what else is there...right now?  I take a deep, slow breath and the roaring wave of my heart slows and I soften.  I have been trying to practice being mindful a lot since I had some heart issues a year and a half ago and it has been interesting and difficult.  Something so basic as paying attention is like chasing a rainbow at times.  Pema Chodron suggests stopping what we are doing a few times a day and taking a few breaths to bring things into perspective.  I stop, try to hear a jingling bell (that works best for me), breathe and then fall back into  the past, future worry cycle.  Why is it that it is so difficult for us to stay present and see things the way they are.  I tend to be negative about a lot of things so my world is colored with gloom and doom a lot of the time.  I strive for the moment...as I mindfully nag at my children, mindfully rush from one place to another and mindfully slip something out of my mouth that I know will mess the situation up.  It is like I am watching a train car go out of control.  I see it happening and am fully aware, yet I am not able to intervene.  I say it and then regret it in the same moment.  I guess I am making some progress, because at least I know what I am doing even though I can't seem to stop it.   Did I mention that I see hearts everywhere?

I can't resist a food suggestion here....a nice local lunch idea

Apple Cheddar Quesadillas

Corn or flour tortillas (I buy locally made)

Local apple of choice thinly sliced

Sharp Cheddar Cheese

Heat tortilla..add grated or sliced cheese and sliced apple on one side.  Fold over and let cheese melt.  Enjoy!